I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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