Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
