2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
