i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Watching her eat just hurts me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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