I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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