she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
