I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
