my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
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Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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