3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
