And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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