Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
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I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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