Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize