All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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