Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
