dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
