I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
