I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
