That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
