names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
