I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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