I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
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I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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