Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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