; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
