remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
