I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
