I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
