I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
