my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
