i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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