she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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