I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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