Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
