i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
