i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
