Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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