Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
