You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
