I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
