I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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