Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
