Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
