At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
