what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
