It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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