So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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