Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
