I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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