can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
