I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
