i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
