god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
