why didn't you poke me back
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He passed out mid-signature
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
