Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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