he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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