Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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