Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
