I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
