Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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