So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
