Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
