So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
