I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
