I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
