I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
