They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
