went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
