She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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